I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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