A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
