your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
