Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
