Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
