Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
