doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
What a dumb baby whore.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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