Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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