operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
