i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
