i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
