so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
