btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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