a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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