Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
