I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You took a bar mat shot.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
