I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
