so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
