Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I faked an abortion last night.
the condom got lost in my hair
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
