I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
