Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
