hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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