We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
