Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
