____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
