Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
