I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
