Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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