It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
