I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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