This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
farters have to be the big spoon...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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