i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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