MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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