my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am full of burrito and curiosity
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
