i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
