That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
