We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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