i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
