planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
