I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
