He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
