just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
