mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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