He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
