Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
