So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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