You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
