8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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