??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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