friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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