Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
