If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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