i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
