He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
