Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
